1. Happy People Focus On What They Have, Not On What They're Missing

A young man once came in to Aish HaTorah to meet Rabbi Noach Weinberg. (Rabbi Weinberg
is the founder and dean of Aish HaTorah.) The fellow had an unusually happy disposition. Rabbi
Weinberg remarked on it and asked him, "What's your secret? How do you manage to keep up
such a happy frame of mind?"

The young man said, "I got a gift of happiness when I was 11 years old."

"A gift of happiness?" Rabbi Weinberg asked him, "From whom?"

He said, "From G-d."

It seems he was riding a bicycle over a dam in Amsterdam, when a gust of wind came and blew
him off the bike right into the path of an oncoming truck. The truck ran over him and cut off his
leg, and the leg flew six feet away from him.

As he lay there bleeding, the reality that he might have to live without a leg began to sink in. At
first he was very depressed. Then it suddenly struck him that being depressed isn't going to give
him his leg back. If he's not going to have his leg, he'll just have to keep going without it. He's
not going to waste his life despairing.

He was brought to the hospital and his parents came to see him. They stood over him grieving,
"What's going to be with him, the poor kid, without a leg, this is terrible..."

He said to them, "You know, you have to get used to this."

They looked at him in surprise. "We've got to get used to this? You've got to get used to it." He
said, "No I don't. I'm already used to it."

"Ever since then," he told Rabbi Weinberg, "I see my friends getting upset over little things: their
bus didn't come, they got a bad mark, somebody insulted them, but I just enjoy life."

What is the gift of happiness that the Almighty gave him when he was 11 years old?

The understanding that it's not going to help you to focus on what you don't have. It will just
drag you down. It wastes your energy and it doesn't produce a thing.

The key to happiness is to take pleasure in what you do have.

Sounds pretty simple, doesn't it? Well if it's that easy, how come so many people are unhappy?

2. American's Think Happiness Is A "Happening." Judaism Says It's A State of Mind

Americans are brought up thinking that happiness depends on what you get. Remember when
you thought that if you had a car, you'd never be miserable for the rest of your life? If you only
met the right girl, if you only had a better job.... Then you get the car and every day for a whole
week you're walking on air. Then you go right back to being unhappy.

Judaism says happiness is not a happening. You can have everything in this world and you can
be miserable, or you can have relatively little and feel like a rich man.

The Talmud says in Ethics of the Fathers (Avos 4:1): "Ayzeh hu ashir? HaSameach B'Chelko."
Who is rich? The one who's happy with what he has. If you're happy with what you have, you'll
feel like a rich man. If you can't appreciate what you already have, no matter how much you get
you'll never feel satisfied.

That's why Jews the world over start their day with the words, "Modeh ani l'fanecha." "Thank
you." "Thank G-d I can see. Thank G-d, I can use my hands and feet. Thank G-d I can stand
up straight." Because if you can master the art of noticing, appreciating and consciously
enjoying what you already have, you'll always be happy.

3. If You Really Appreciate What You Have, All Your Troubles Become Insignificant

Imagine yourself standing on the 70th floor of the Empire State building. Suddenly a man opens
his window and says he's going to jump.

You call out, "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Try to stop me and I'll take you with me!"

Noting that the guy is 6'5", you say, "No problem. Have a safe trip. Any last messages? Perhaps
there's someone you want me to contact for you?"

He says, "You seem like a nice guy. Let me tell you my troubles. Then I'll give you 15 minutes. If
you can persuade me differently, I won't jump."

You listen for an hour as he tells you his troubles. This guy really suffers. You've never heard
stories like this. You're so depressed you're ready to jump with him.

Finally he turns to you and says, "I'm miserable. Why should I go on living?"

What can you possibly say?

Suddenly you get a flash of inspiration.

"Sir, if on top of all your troubles you also happened to be blind, would you be more miserable
or less?"

"Certainly more miserable."

"So you'd definitely jump."

"Of course."

"Now imagine you're bending over, about to jump. Suddenly there's a miracle. You can see!
Would you jump, or would you stick around a week to look around?"

"I'd stick around a week to see."

"What happened to all the troubles?"

"Ah, I guess they're not so bad. I can see!"

If you really appreciate that you can see, then all the miseries are nothing. On the other hand, if
you take everything you have for granted, nothing you'll ever receive in life will bring you lasting
happiness. The secret of happiness is to really appreciate what you have.

Appreciating what we have does not come naturally, however. It's a skill that must be learned
and practiced.

4. Common Misconceptions That Block People From Using The Tools For Happiness

Before we begin to discuss practical ways to learn appreciation, I'd like to clear away some
misconceptions people have about happiness. These misconceptions prevent people from taking
advantage of the tools for acquiring happiness.

First: Believe it or not, it's possible to know how to be happy, understand that the tools work,
and not do a thing about it. That's because learning any new skill requires effort. And it takes a
bit of pain to make that effort.

It's a human foible to assume that if the system really works, it'll work magically, without effort.
That's because subconsciously, many of us would rather be comfortably unhappy than endure
the temporary discomfort of changing our habits in order to achieve lasting results.

So you can have the secret of happiness, you can know what to do to achieve it, and still not do
anything about it. You have to be willing to invest the pain and effort to achieve real happiness.

Second: People often worry that if they'd learn to be happy, all the fizz would go out of living.
After all, if I have everything I want, what else do I have to live for?

These people mistake happiness for complacency.

The fact is, happy people are energized. There's never enough time in the day to do everything
they want to do. They're always ready to go! They're ambitious! Go over to a happy fellow and
say, "Hey, you want to go fishing? I got a boat." He'll say "Great! Let's go!" Go up to a guy
who's depressed and say, "Want to go fishing? You love it, come on!" He says, "Maybe
tomorrow. Look, I got a car outside... and anyway, I think they said it might rain..."

The happy guy is always ready to go. The miserable guy is complacent. He says, "I'm happy
enough." Now no one would ever say, "I'm rich enough," yet most people, given the choice, say
they'd rather be happy than rich. If someone approached you and said, "I have a way for you to
make another fifty million dollars," you'd say "Great, put it on the table." If you really understood
the power of happiness, you'd realize every opportunity to increase your happiness is priceless.

Third: Most people don't consciously view happiness as an obligation. But deep down, we
instinctively recognize that it is.

Have you ever gone on a picnic with a bunch of friends on a beautiful Sunday afternoon?
Remember the guy who always found something to complain about? "Where's the forks, how
can you come up here without the forks? It's too hot for volleyball... I want to go home
already..." You feel like saying, "Come on, what's the matter with you! Don't be a wet blanket.
Find something to enjoy or get out of here!"

When do you have an obligation to be happy? When you're making someone else miserable.

We all try to put on a happy face when we're at a picnic. We recognize that it's wrong to spoil
everyone else's fun by being miserable. But how about when we're at home, with our wife and
kids? Is it right to make them suffer because we had a bad day? Being happy is part of the
responsibility we have to be considerate of the people around us.

5. The Simplest Tool: Every Morning Count Out and Focus On Five Pleasures In Your
Life

Now we're ready for the tools.

The simplest way to begin is to start with some things you really appreciate, and count them
every morning for one month. Take your children, for example, or your eyes or feet or hands.
Take out a set time each day to feel the gratitude and pleasure of having them. Contemplate
every aspect of the pleasure they give you.

Here's an illustration to show you how this works. All of us have an uncle or cousin or aunt who
loves to complain. The next time you visit your aunt and she wants to complain, you say, very
respectfully, "Auntie, I came to suffer with you. You know I'm here to suffer. But before we
suffer, please give me five pleasures you had today."

Now she's going to say, "I had no pleasures." So you say, "Auntie, did you have a coffee? I'm
entitled to some pleasures too, I want some of your pleasures also!" So she'll report, "Okay, I
had a coffee." Don't let her get away with that. Make her share the pleasure. Was it sweet?
Warm? Did the aroma linger? Did it give her energy? Relive the pleasure. (She'll have to do it
because she wants to complain.) She'll say, "Okay, it was sweet and it was nice and it was
ahh..."

"Okay, another four Auntie."

"I didn't have any more."

"But did you wash your face? Was it pleasant? You had a warm shower; was it good?" Relive it
for her. Then relive another one. Make her go through five pleasures. And after she goes
through five pleasures, her complaints will not be as bad.

If you really want to work at this, every evening when you come home from work, sit down with
your wife and discuss five pleasures each of you experienced that day. You'll have a happy wife
-- and that in itself will make you happy! Incorporate this into your family ritual so that each of
your children learns to focus on their daily pleasures in order to have five to share each night.

6. More Advanced: Make A List Of All Your Blessings and Add A New One Each Day

The next stage, which is a more sophisticated exercise, is this: Try taking one hour to write down
all the blessings you have. This is not as easy as it sounds. You'll fly through the first 15 minutes.
The next 15 minutes you'll slow down, but you can still pull through if you include your nose,
your eyebrows, your shoes and socks. The next 15 minutes will get tough; the last 15 minutes
are excruciating.

Once the list is compiled, add one new blessing each morning and another one at night.

Now the power of this exercise will become clear: In order to add new blessings, you have
to be conscious of all the others. And that's when you really begin to appreciate how much
you have.

7. The Highest Level: Prioritize Your Blessings

To get you to recognize the most powerful level of appreciation, I'm going to ask you a question:
Which is more valuable: Your hands or your feet?

After they discuss that for a while, ask them: How about your eyes or your ears?

Notice how "weighing" the pleasures compels you to focus on how much pleasure each provides
and the different aspects of pleasure each one gives you.

So, for those who want to become black belts at appreciation: Try prioritizing your list. For 15
minutes each night, evaluate which is more valuable: your hands or your feet, your eyes or your
ears, your sense of taste or your sense of touch?

If you follow this course and you work at it daily, your perception of the blessings in your life is
guaranteed to heighten. Eventually you will have built a solid foundation of happiness which will
support you throughout your life.
 
 

Original Site:   www.j51.com/~jrsflw/happyne.htm